Lesson learned.....at a funeral

This past (March 17th) weekend I attended my best friend's grandfather's funeral services. I was there to help my friend through her loss. As I sat through the service some feelings that I thought I had handled resurfaced. Two summers ago I lost my grandfather, we were not that close due to the distance and my belief that he was a little scary. Yes I know I am 24 (at the time I was), but my five year old self always reemerged when I was around him.
 Several months after that I lost a teacher who had been like a mother to me during a really tough period in my life. She was diagnosed with cancer in my senior year of high school and I left for college soon after that. She often wanted me to come by to see her, but when I am honest with myself I know that I didn't because I didn't like the way cancer had taken the life and zest out of her.
So the unintended outcome of this funeral was that I saw how selfish I can be at times. I allowed my fear of death to keep me from a woman who supported me and didn't judge when she needed support. I avoided the type of relationship that I wanted with my grandfather because I couldn't see him through grown up eyes.
Though it is over stated enjoy the people in your lives while they are there, love them completely. Know them completely. Love is not selfish. Don't have regrets in any relationship that you cherish, it only deepens the loss.

Just another lazy Saturday

Even my bird Daizy appreciates a lazy Saturday. As adults its easy to feel guilty about taking naps and other time to ourselves. But I feel it is necessary for healthy adults and helps us get through all of the unselfish times when we do for others. If you can take some time for yourself today. I know I will :)<3

Are you really ready for love? part 2

"You will receive love only to your ability to be vulnerable enough to let it in. Love between two people is a fearless state of being where who you are and who they are is given and received without fear of engulfment or abandon. The underlying belief of this state is complete trust regardless of outcome."

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

"It is not love that is to blame. But each of us has resistance to the very love we desire. We also have resistance to the space and independence we need. So we go back and forth, not letting ourselves have one or the other. It all boils down to this: Are you willing to have your relationships be a pathway to fully revealing yourself and your potential? If you answer is Yes, real intimacy can be yours on a daily basis."

- Gay Hendricks, is a psychologist and writer.

These quotes from theDailylove.com really hit home for me. Questions all us single people and some attached people should consider.

The attack of the greens

Starting a new diet tomorrow look at all the green stuff that has taken over my fridge!

And Speaking of Boxes

I am currently sitting in southern food restaurant in Atlanta it is quite busy and I am eating alone. I came for business and usually would have it grabbed something fast and gone to the hotel, look at me branching out. The added bonus...the food is great!

Are you really ready for love?

If you are anything like me you have read many articles, watched shows, opened emails all in the hope of discovering a solution to a problem in a certain area of your life.

For me that area is LOVE. It seems to be the thing I am always chasing and running away from. Heck its even my nickname.

What I have discovered is that you can't really look to others for insight into yourself especially thorough blanket statements, maybe in one on one sessions with someone professional *ahem me in a few years :)

My issue with love is that I have been without it for so many years that when I am confronted with something that looks like it could go that direction I often run. I ususally do this by pushing/scaring people away. In my job I am trained to look for possible issues that would arise later, I am over worked and stressed. This translates into my relationship self. I feel pressure to be coupled up and that I am always pressed for time. So I don't feel that I have time to waste on dating one person for a long period of time only to find that they are not the one. I immediately begin looking for possible problems that would lead to a break-up down the road. I also don't know how to relinquish control. I don't remember relationship me. She was sweet and kind and allowed the man to take control in some areas, the me of today thinks of those things after it is too late if at all.

As a worrier it is hard for me to hear people say "just don't worry about it you will find the person who is meant for you". Of course I am going to worry about it, especially when I feel that every other area of my life is on target. I believe that God is in control, and what is supposed to happen will. That doesn't mean that His plan for me is to be married with 2.5 children and that is hard for me to accept.

Quotable quotes

"The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it. "- Mother Teresa

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy."

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

"I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day."

- Og Mandino

"Don't let your successes/victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart."

-Various

Peaceful living in the technology age an oxymoron?

During a visit to a local nail salon today I noticed a few weird occurrences. One woman was talking loudly on her bluetooth device while walking around the salon ignoring the manicurist who was trying to assist her, another was on a call while having her nails done and when she could no longer operate the phone asked the manicurist to do so for her. Seeing this yet another woman in the salon made a call and talked loudly for a few minutes, during this conversation the topic was what Facebook page picture she had displayed (she could not remember). Maybe I am the only one who views nail/hair salons and spas as peaceful areas but I just can't believe this. I typically silence my phone, try to forget it exists and only text to facilitate other's resting. I have also noticed other people having phone conversations in the spa and wonder when phones will be sewn to our heads so that we really never have to be away from them.