So a few months ago I was "swept off my feet" in this romance on a cruise ship. I was totally caught off guard by this since I wasn't expecting much. As its been a while since I have been really coupled and I am in therapy to work through some issues from the past, I have a really clear idea of what I need in a relationship. So as things would come up in the relationship that brought up past issues I was able to reflect personally and in therapy. This would then translate into my conversations with my boyfriend. We ultimately broke up because he said that he was scared at how close he felt to me and that no one else had ever revealed as much to him has I had.
So what have I learned?
1. I don't need a relationship to complete me, I'm pretty complete.
2. As much as I protest, I want a relationship that is from now to forever.
3. Sometimes knowing yourself really well can scare someone who has never had this experience.
4. I need a really emotionally aware man in my life to handle what I bring to the relationship.
5. Being swept off of your feet is really wonderful even if it only lasts for a few months..
6. My bestie was right, sometimes it's not me it's them not being ready and that's okay.
7. I am not materialistic at all, a $200 watch and a $20 watch are the same to me, except I feel guilty if someone spends that much on me.
8. My love language is definitely not words of affirmation or gifts. I think it's actions or whatever the equivalent is. (Note: there are several books on Love Languages, I suggest you know yours and your partner's)
9. I will have to have pre-marital counseling. After this relationship in which I had actual reason to believe it would be my last my ability to trust is compromised at best.
10. I shouldn't feel guilty for not trusting the words of a person I have known a month or two especially when their actions are so different.
11. No matter how many things are on my wanted list, a connection can make me forget them. Whether that's good or bad.
The great thing in this ending was that after almost a month of waiting for a reason, I was given one and able to proceed toward closure.