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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Are you really ready for love?

If you are anything like me you have read many articles, watched shows, opened emails all in the hope of discovering a solution to a problem in a certain area of your life.

For me that area is LOVE. It seems to be the thing I am always chasing and running away from. Heck its even my nickname.

What I have discovered is that you can't really look to others for insight into yourself especially thorough blanket statements, maybe in one on one sessions with someone professional *ahem me in a few years :)

My issue with love is that I have been without it for so many years that when I am confronted with something that looks like it could go that direction I often run. I ususally do this by pushing/scaring people away. In my job I am trained to look for possible issues that would arise later, I am over worked and stressed. This translates into my relationship self. I feel pressure to be coupled up and that I am always pressed for time. So I don't feel that I have time to waste on dating one person for a long period of time only to find that they are not the one. I immediately begin looking for possible problems that would lead to a break-up down the road. I also don't know how to relinquish control. I don't remember relationship me. She was sweet and kind and allowed the man to take control in some areas, the me of today thinks of those things after it is too late if at all.

As a worrier it is hard for me to hear people say "just don't worry about it you will find the person who is meant for you". Of course I am going to worry about it, especially when I feel that every other area of my life is on target. I believe that God is in control, and what is supposed to happen will. That doesn't mean that His plan for me is to be married with 2.5 children and that is hard for me to accept.

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