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Thursday, March 22, 2012

Lesson a funeral

This past (March 17th) weekend I attended my best friend's grandfather's funeral services. I was there to help my friend through her loss. As I sat through the service some feelings that I thought I had handled resurfaced. Two summers ago I lost my grandfather, we were not that close due to the distance and my belief that he was a little scary. Yes I know I am 24 (at the time I was), but my five year old self always reemerged when I was around him.
 Several months after that I lost a teacher who had been like a mother to me during a really tough period in my life. She was diagnosed with cancer in my senior year of high school and I left for college soon after that. She often wanted me to come by to see her, but when I am honest with myself I know that I didn't because I didn't like the way cancer had taken the life and zest out of her.
So the unintended outcome of this funeral was that I saw how selfish I can be at times. I allowed my fear of death to keep me from a woman who supported me and didn't judge when she needed support. I avoided the type of relationship that I wanted with my grandfather because I couldn't see him through grown up eyes.
Though it is over stated enjoy the people in your lives while they are there, love them completely. Know them completely. Love is not selfish. Don't have regrets in any relationship that you cherish, it only deepens the loss.

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