Several times a year I say to myself "You should stop dancing, you are no spring chicken, you aren't going pro, it's too much commitment". Various factors play into this: stress of dancing on top of having a grown up 9 to 5, drama with younger dancers, drama with older dancers, students who know it all, student who have great potential but don't always see it, a body that is tired and often injured, input from my non dancing friends and family.
But every year the first (in this year's case second) week of June that changes. Why you ask? Because it is our annual dance recital. There is a problem each year, usually injury, last year asthma, this year a weird reaction with asthma medications. Nonetheless I get on that stage and dance and actually get to perform and I come alive. In that moment I don't care what guy didn't call me back, what student said what or how much work stresses me out. When I come off stage and get a text from a friend or family member that they loved a certain dance I was in or move we did I beam from inside. When I watch my students do a move they initially struggled with or show emotion they refuse to show in practice I am happier than I can imagine in those stressful times.