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Friday, November 9, 2012

November 6th, a hard day in my life

So November 6th began like any other day really...
I got up, went to my internship, came home did a few assignments for school, I got ready to teach dance, went to the studio, went to do a home assessment, then came home.

To flesh out that story let me add that for a few weeks I have been feeling less passionate about teaching dance as I don't feel challenged. I also don't have the opportunity to teach the same set of kids and see them grow. I have also really been missing dancing myself and want to get back to that. I have not decided if I want to continue to teach long term. So when I get to dance one of my students, no actually two told me that my class was boring and they were only there because their mothers made them attend. My heart broke a little, this on the heels of my older girls telling me they were no longer dancing but may return in 3 months (meaning competition and recital are out for them). So I tried really hard to power through the class and teach the students who like the class.
While teaching I was demonstrating and my knee gave out, first time for this and I started to feel old. This is hard because people think that I look young and I get treated like an insignificant person often, but my body is telling me I am old (irony). Luckily the way I fell worked out in the dance so not a total loss.

On my way to dance that night I felt really anxious for an unknown reason. Then while doing the home study about half way through I really wanted to leave and again I didn't know why. My mother had stayed at my home with my puppy so that she is not alone too much and while I was gone my bird died. When I got home my mother met me in the parking lot and told me. She had already disposed of my bird and I was sad that I didn't get to see her. All of a sudden my feelings that day made sense. I had been feeling for some time that my bird was sick and may die but tried to convince myself I was wrong. She passed almost a month short of 5 years time with me. I was not really prepared for this and I am still sad about it. She had been such a part of my home life as well as my life in general. I had been planning to make my next move a more permanent one so that she would not have to adjust again....unfortunately she won't be traveling with me again.

So November 6, 2012 was not the best day I have had this year...but life is hard sometimes. This is how we grow.

My sweet girl

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