What its like turning 30

This post was originally going to be titled "How I Know I'm Old" but I could hear the mouths of everyone reading over 30 so I chickened out. 

I want to preface this by saying I am not old. I know in the grand scheme of things I am not old. BUT in terms of how old I have previously been thus far in life....I am old.

That time I asked for a robe for Christmas

1. I find most hip hop/rap either incredibly stupid or am appalled by its disgusting nature. 
2. I can't stomach most pop music because it repeats the same 10 words over and over though that is what I used to love about it 
3. I was picked for a Anti-aging product test, 30 is not old enough for advanced intervention facially, at least not for me. 
4. The idea of dating and dressing up has lost its appeal.... Can't I just wear my sweats?
5. I wait each week to see where the new grays will pop up. I remember being excited about them before.  Now I dread them,  because they are stubborn and short and I will have to wear wigs when I am fully gray.
6. I take a lot of pictures like this....
   
   
7. And the most annoying of all of these is the aches and pains. If I hit my finger today it will hurt the rest of the week, but I won't remember the reason. If I sit how I've always sat my knees will randomly decide they have had enough. Or I will switch positions on the couch and strain my hip (like literally this happened to me).

I have been very upset but this new thoughtful music selector me. Why do I care so much what idiotic thing a rapper used to rhyme his verses? Why can't I mindlessly sing along like I used to?

I think the answer to this is that now I care what my choices say about me. I am a professional and a person that hopes to be a parent one day. I think it matters who I support and represent through my choices. I also can't be a hypocrite when I talk to my under 18 clients. I have led discussions about healthy music so being caught in the grocery store parking lot singing along to "Trap Queen" might not be a good look.

Overall really my only complaint with getting "old" is saying goodbye to some facets of the old me. Though I can say that I am really enjoying so many aspects of this stage of life. This year - first as a 30 year old- I have crossed many things off of my to do list. I began singing again, I broke my dance training hiatus, and participated in two productions that built my acting skills.

I am more adventurous and realize that there is no time like the present. While as a child I may have dreamed of being a dancing, singing, acting celebrity. I never imagined finding a passion in my career field that was in no way related to these things. For many years I felt that this career path meant that I had to give up those dreams that were still very much a part of my being. This year I said "that's stupid, you dream for a reason".

So that is it my wisdom about getting "older". Things will change, so will you, but you can be an even greater you. If you want to, and put in the work to get there.

Boxed in

In life we often encounter boxes, by this I mean preconceived notions that others have of us. Not only those but the limits that we place on ourselves based on our self esteem.
My boxes are shy, innocent, goody two shoes, loner, mean etc.
I don't feel that I really personify any of these but give of the appearance of them at times. I have often utilized many tools to keep people at arms length such as being mean to guys that I am afraid to open up to, playing innocent so that I am not judged negatively for my mis-steps and seeming shy because I don't feel that everyone should be privy to the real me.
I wonder at times why I do these things and why I allow others beliefs about me to actually leak into my self concept. I am quiet at times, loud at others, morally driven but a sinner nonetheless, a great and loyal friend and so nice that at times I give too much of myself to those I love.
I challenge everyone to live up to the greatest you, you can be and to not live in any box you don't like. Instead of arguing with those who tell you who you are show them by surprising them with your actions. This is also my challenge to myself and I can't wait to see the change that it will have on my own self concept.