What's the worst that can happen?

As I face making a major change in my life, namely transitioning from being a full time employee to going to school and working for myself, I consider what could go wrong. I resisted this change for years, not because I just love the job but because I enjoying knowing I will have money. ( I know silly right?)

I was told by an older woman I know through work that it is common for "us" ( black women) to stay in situations for security. This probably goes back to our history of not having access to stable jobs that were not demeaning. Or just a fear that we have in stepping out and trying something new.

I had really never considered this, it was just so conditioned in me that when you have a "good" job you stay there. I never approached it from the view of how I feel about the job.

I love my interaction with kids and the life lessons I have learned from dealing with clients. BUT I have started to have health concerns from the stress and have noticed personality changes in myself that I don't like.

I am much more cynical than I used to be, which I knew to expect.

I have less fun, than I used to and am more serious (which is BAD because I was already pretty serious)

I am definitely more mean

I sweat the small stuff

My back and ribs regularly pop out of alignment

I eat horribly with no care of the consequences because the food makes me feel better

So why have I stayed in this job for 5 years? Because of the fear that I will leave to pursue my career goals and not be able to find a job....but what's the worst thing that can happen really. A delay in my goals. And that's not so bad.

Since I have committed to my plan I have seen God do great things in my life. Laying out opportunities for me to make the money I need, and basically just assuring me that with faith and guts you can get places you would never see hiding somewhere you are unhappy but content. 

Dancing outside of the box

So while I was in ATL I decided to take a dance class. Over my many years of dancing I have only worked with a few choreographers and I wanted to shake things up a little bit. I was nervous because the class that was available when I was in town was an Isomotion class that has many elements of Popping and Locking. I have never had any formal hip hop training (though I teach hip hop).
I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I picked up the choreography fairly well and I really liked the set up of the studio. There were no children around only teens and adults, which was weird in and of itself. The music was booming and when profanity was heard no one even flinched. It made me hopeful that if I ever decide to move out of my small, big town there are places I can dance that cater more toward my demographic.
If I ever move to Atlanta, I will definitely be dancing at Gotta Dance ATL!
I am so proud of myself for trying something new that I could have failed at. I usually shy away from situations that could be embarrassing or that I know I am not really prepared for.

Abandonment issues

I found more of my old Poem/songs. There is always a theme abandonment :)

Don't, don't leave me again, I can't stand to see your back walk out that door. No don't, don't leave me again oh no, no, no.
Don't leave me like the last time. Oh I don't know, know what I would do. Oh, I've fallen for the wrong guy. But, I love you with all your faults and all the good things. I love you so.
Don't, don't leave me again.
-dancer.s

Why is life so hard? Will I ever be able to let down my gaurd? Can I ever truly be me, or will heartache be all I see?
-dancer.s

He once did something awful to me. Now when I look at you he is what I see.
-dancer.s

I don't want to love you. But for some reason I do. The two of you made me cry. Sometimes wishing I would die. I may seem happy to everyone else. But it's not true. It's not true.
-dancer.s

Actress
Every day I act.
I act happy, I act strong.
People ask me why I'm so quiet, it's so my pain won't show.
When I'm quiet, I'm thinking.
-dancer.s