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Thursday, July 26, 2012

What's the worst that can happen?

As I face making a major change in my life, namely transitioning from being a full time employee to going to school and working for myself, I consider what could go wrong. I resisted this change for years, not because I just love the job but because I enjoying knowing I will have money. ( I know silly right?)
I was told by an older woman I know through work that it is common for "us" ( black women) to stay in situations for security. This probably goes back to our history of not having access to stable jobs that were not demeaning. Or just a fear that we have in stepping out and trying something new.
I had really never considered this, it was just so conditioned in me that when you have a "good" job you stay there. I never approached it from the view of how I feel about the job.
I love my interaction with kids and the life lessons I have learned from dealing with clients. BUT I have started to have health concerns from the stress and have noticed personality changes in myself that I don't like.
I am much more cynical than I used to be, which I knew to expect.
I have less fun, than I used to and am more serious (which is BAD because I was already pretty serious)
I am definitely more mean
I sweat the small stuff
My back and ribs regularly pop out of alignment
I eat horribly with no care of the consequences because the food makes me feel better

So why have I stayed in this job for 5 years? Because of the fear that I will leave to pursue my career goals and not be able to find a job....but what's the worst thing that can happen really. A delay in my goals. And that's not so bad.

Since I have committed to my plan I have seen God do great things in my life. Laying out opportunities for me to make the money I need, and basically just assuring me that with faith and guts you can get places you would never see hiding somewhere you are unhappy but content. 

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