Silver Lining Living

I remember hearing that "every cloud has a silver lining" and thinking that was a stupid way to say the situation won't suck forever. I never really agreed, how could there be a silver lining to losing a loved one or getting fired?

I experienced something recently that let me know that I am maturing as a woman and it is pretty awesome. A coworker of mine recently pointed out that I had been goofier than usual for several weeks. I, of course, quipped that I have been goofy all my life, but I realized that he was right. I thought about it and wondered if I was suppressing my feelings. I mean I have lost a loved one, a close former coworker (that was the subject of one of my earlier blogs) passed away, and I ended a relationship with a man I thought was perfect for me. So why was I so seemingly happy.

After pondering this for a while I believe that the reason I have been so much more like my normal self is that I am celebrating. I still wake up each day with the rest of my life ahead of me. I also made a choice to end a relationship with someone who was choosing not to put any effort into keeping me. That is a big deal! I didn't resort to name calling, I was clear about what my needs and expectations were, and when I saw that things were not changing after giving some time for change to happen- I got out. How mature am I?

I mean it still stings that someone who seemingly wanted to be with me so much in the beginning could give up and blame it on a busy schedule. Everyone everywhere is ALWAYS busy. Relationships are about making sacrifices and working to make things happen. It is true that things are often easier with the right person but you have to work at it as well. I will (I am sure) never know why things changed between us, but it doesn't matter.

Years ago I would still be in the relationship being neglected and sad, or I would have been breaking up and getting back together with him just trying to get him to see he needed to give me more. I am so proud that I made a decision to stick to my guns without being disrespectful. This was my first healthy, adult relationship. I am glad that I didn't ruin it by turning into a child because he couldn't own that he no longer wanted to date me. I hate when people push you away so they don't have to be the bad guy but hey at least I know that I am mature.

Yes that was shade.

 

I'm not completely reformed. :)

All men are idiots

Before you get too angry let me explain....this is what an ex-boyfriend of mine told me recently.

We were catching up after years of not speaking to each other. He inquired about my marital status and I told him that I hadn't had much luck in the dating department. I was telling him that I had met many guys who just weren't settled or serious. He suggested that I be patient with finding someone and stated that some idiot would get lucky and land me soon. I replied "I don't want some idiot!" To which he coolly replied..."we are all idiots" until one day we aren't.

Source: Microsoft Word clip art

First I just have to say how good it was to hear him say that

he was pretty idiotic when we dated in college

Then I was like wait what?

For him this magic day happened when he had children and found that material things didn't mean as much as financial security. I have to say that even though this didn't come at a time that benefited me I am really happy for him and the woman he is with now. Every person deserves to see the fruit of their labor and 10 smiles for every tear shed.

So this made me think a bit, should I really be evaluating guys on where they are now or by their potential. Who is to say they won't have that light bulb moment when they are with me?

 

By no means though do I suggest you stay with a man that treats you poorly waiting on them to "wake up". I take this to mean that those guys who I dated just weren't ready to let go of the idiot training wheels. It really just validated me and removed that "what's wrong with me" thought that plays in the back of my mind.

 

I feel more confident that the next time things go astray in a relationship that I will be able to just keep moving and pray that  man comes out of his fog for the next woman he is with.

 

It isn't news to me that men and women develop at different rates, but I really thought by age 29 I wouldn't still be waiting on men to grow up. Cheers to all the idiots out there!

Sunny side of single

So often I find myself thinking about the things

I don't like about being single...

I forget at times that there are things I enjoy

or areas in which I have grown as a single woman.

So of course the obvious is that I can come and go as I please..

Not that I go anywhere often but I have become so used to not factoring in another person it really is nice. I can have a random change of plans and the only one upset is me.

I also see that I have grown to be much more independent, I think as an only child and having the other history I do I was always independent. This has only been strengthened by really only doing things on my own. With this romantic love drought (so dramatic I know) I have really come to know myself. I can understand the things I do and what drives them so much better that I used to be able to. I also have a much better idea of who I want in my life and who I don't. Which means I am usually able to weed guys out before dating them, much to my dismay. Sometimes I will feel the need to go back only because I want to have dates. But though this keeps my social calendar empty, it protects me from harmful guys. Which means I have more time for my friends, when they have time for me (hint, hint).

 

It is so easy for people to see there being two options for singles: chronic daters and the sad/ lonely lot. I know that at times I focus on the lonely aspect of being single, but I like to think of myself as a singleton who is happy with me. Who else is there that knows me this well and can entertain me so efficiently? I mean when was the last time you hurt your own feelings or didn't talk to yourself? :)